The Reform Party of the United States has announced it will change its name to the Incumbent Party. Membership has been opened so all incumbent office holders, at all levels of government, are automatically members of the Incumbent Party.
To accommodate their name change, the Incumbent Party has introduced a new platform. While the original Reform Party was against free trade, because it increased corporate profits at the expense of people, communities and environments, the Incumbent Party favors it.
When pressed on the issue Incumbent Party Chairman David Collison replied “Corporations are people my friend. Whatever money corporations make goes to people. It will trickle down, and a rising tide raises all boats”.
As the Reform Party was for ethics reform, the Incumbent Party has abandoned the plank. The Incumbent Party wishes for more restrictions in the name of National Security. Mr. Collison was happy to elaborate.
“Government is transparent enough already. We, as Americans, cannot allow terrorists to run amok. We should be scared. To protect our military and our country we need to restrict some news reporting and withhold some defense documents. Especially those relating to the defense budget.”
The new Incumbent Party is rumored to be working on legislation to gerrymandering legislative districts to allow for more Incumbent victories across the country. They are also working to restrict ballot access in all fifty states. Some advocates are saying that it will keep the voters from electing a truly representative government, but Incumbent Party Communications Chair Nicholas Hensley disagrees.
“Don’t worry,” Mr. Hensley said “if you like your representative you can keep your representative”.
While the Reform Party was against taking special interest donations, the Incumbent Party is seeing special interest donations rise by the day. According to their filing with the Federal Elections Committee, the Incumbent Party has received donations from both the Koch Brothers and Moveon.org.
To answer inquires about the change of name and direction for the Reform Party, Nicholas Hensley was quick to answer.
“Why should you pick the lesser of two evils? Why not pick both?”